Strangely, this desire of my heart- although many a time being doused with water.. has never died out. And while i cannot believe that the Lord would use me in such a way because of my total, utter unworthiness.. this has never failed to quench that spiritual fire. Although my flesh may fail and i may fall- Still, it burns.
Yet, i do not know what i am struggling against- my mind says "Madness! You are much too unworthy and would only fail"
But my heart says "That is exactly why the Lord wants to use you"
From external sources come disbelief..and even the firm belief that i have been too 'imaginative' and a little deluded.
Yes, when i look at myself i see the utter stupidity of my 'desires'- but yet this small voice doth continually speak to me- what can this mean?
I dare not even utter it out for fear of the common disbelief and mockery (although playful) from brethren who are no doubt very kind-heartedly trying to dissaude me from the task.
Ah, Lord, that you guide me!
For all that is Mine i want to give to You- Only show me Your Way.
O, but You have taught me to abide in You and Wait on You; not to worry but cast all my cares unto You with prayer and supplication- and so i shall continue.
But if You have granted me this strange desire only You can have placed in my heart -for i know not any means otherwise which might cause me to have such a strange desire- then i Rejoice and am Glad at being counted Worthy to toil for Your Sake!
O, let the Holy Spirit always guide my steps; Teach me to be faithful in small things that i might be faithful in greater things!
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